Giving birth is painful, joyful, messy, unpredictable, and all-consuming.
So is parenting.
Giving birth requires surrendering to whatever happens.
So does parenting.
Giving birth might be something you can do yourself, or something you need people to help you with, or something you can hire people to do for you (i.e. scheduled cesarean), but ultimately it’s you who will carry the experience, the consequences, and the responsibility.
Ditto for parenting.
Birth can be painful because of the physical sensations of labor, but also because it opens up a world of emotions. You need to cultivate your core, your center, your strength, to carry you through whatever comes up. Parenting is the same. The physical sensations might include back pain from lifting a squirming toddler, or being bitten while breastfeeding. And the world of emotions might include reflecting on your own childhood, working harmoniously (or not) with your parenting partner(s), and being responsible for a vulnerable, cherished human being for the next 18 to 100 years.
Birth can be joyful because you get a baby – a whole human being emerges from your body, and you feel a whole new kind of love. Parenting can be joyful because you get a smiling infant, a toddling toddler, a playful child, a student delighting in learning, a houseful of their adorable friends, and ultimately a beloved, capable adult who promises (if you’re lucky) to look after you in your old age.
Birth is messy because of the body juices: sweat, pee, poop, blood, and amniotic fluid. Parenting is messy because of sweat, pee, poop, occasional blood, and grape juice. Little kids are little slobs, and most days you can’t keep up with the chaos no matter how hard you try. You cope with the messiness of birth, and parenting, by getting help and by letting go of perfectionism.
Birth is unpredictable (even if you’ve done it before) because you don’t know (and you can’t entirely control) how your body and your baby will adapt to it. Parenting is unpredictable because you have no idea what kind of children you will get, and what will happen to them. Even kids with the same DNA from the same parents and the same upbringing can turn out wildly different from one another – different gifts, different challenges, different suffering, different delights. How does one prepare for such a randomized reality? You cultivate unconditional love for yourself and your family. You find trusted friends who can bear witness to your struggles without judging you or trying to fix you. You take lots of deep breaths and tune in to that part of yourself that’s always calm.
Birth is all-consuming. You can’t read the funnies or check your email or even finish complete sentences once it gets going. Parenting, too, will radically recalculate your priorities. You can’t go to work, buy a quart of milk, take a nap, or even go to the bathroom without figuring out how to keep your child safely in the company of a responsible adult.
Birth requires surrendering your mind over to your body, and surrendering your preferences over to the reality of whatever comes up. That doesn’t mean you relinquish responsibility, however – you have to make the most informed and thoughtful choices you can in any given moment. Parenting is the same.
Giving birth is an experience that can help you understand who you are. For some, it’s an opportunity to discover what you’re made of. But building and birthing a new human is just the beginning of a much greater task.
Would you agree that raising children — and doing it well — is the most important work in the world? What sorts of skills and values do you want your child to possess when s/he launches out into the world a couple of decades from now? What parts of your own upbringing have had the most profound effects on your life? What would you like to do better than your own parents did? How will you learn to accept the aspects of your children that are wildly different from yourself? What challenges will you be ready for, and what delights are you looking forward to?